I hate school

Oh it's so terrible! If only I could get these few changes over w/I will be fine then, but I'm dying! No one knows how it feels to be me. I want to escape, but can't. Everything seems to be wrong now. I hate my Spanish teacher, I hate not having C lunch w/all the people I know, and I hate Mrs. Ferguson's teaching. Although, it wasn't bad today. She was fun. But I still want to be w/Ruby, where in which she is the only one I can be secure in forever, unlike boyfriends. God they suck. I love Dave so much and I don't know if I can get past the hurt and denial that came to me since last night when he broke up w/me. I was thinking today and it just doesn't make sense. If we were so close once, how can it change? There is no reason he should. The only one is that he never really loved me anyway, or sumthing like that. Maybe he just thought he was. I tried to love him and be a good gf this time, and I know I have my fucked up pathetic problems, but I tried, I loved, I shed tears, but it didn't work. Still only 3 monthes. Guess I'm that bad. I'm not compatible w/anyone. It thought I was w/him, but if that's the way he feels, then it can't be true. Oh what can I do? I just want him to stay w/me. I've loved him the same the whole time. All I can think is how can he do this to me? I'm dying inside and no way out. If things don't change fast, I may go into some weird depression. I will try to be friends w/him. I'm sure it can work, it's just, I kinda think we r that and more right now, and I don't see why he wants to change that. AND he likes another girl!! God if it wasn't enough before. That definitely means he didn't think he was w/the right person. I mean, sure, I was somewhat attracted to Alex, but I still wanted to stay w/Dave. I wouldn't have given him up for a chance w/Alex. I think of Dave as a very special unique person in my life and I'll never find anyone as good as him. Not in high school, I highly doubt it. I only want him. There is no one better. Ah, I don't know. I have to move on I guess. Why again?? It always happens to me. I wish he wouldn't have told me last night, but if he was lying to me anyway, might as well get it over w/. The fact that he hid his real feelings and still had sex w/me hurts me too. Its kinda like he was using me, but when he came over, he always seemed the same to me. I guess I'm not good at knowing what he's really thinking. I'm trying to sort thru all my emotions right now b/t school and him, but I just hope it gets better. Who can he like? It's prolly Jessica Keely or sumthing, which would make me feel worse I guess b/c I wish I was like her. I'm too different from everyone, I can never feel secure a whole day at school... If Dave just can't come back to me now, then I will try to wait and be friends, but I hope he will. I just want to go up to him and hug him really tight everytime I see him in the hall. I looked in his eyes today and I just thought of him as the man I love so much... Ahh it's hurting again.. I'm sorry Dave, if u read this, it's not ur fault. I'll always care about u. It's just the way it has to be I guess.