"it's always rainin' in my head..."

Sigh... I'm so sad and upset... I cried for about a half hour after getting off the phone w/Dave after learning that Mike trying to hug me yesterday was his weird attempt of trying to be friends w/me, but I didn't know what that meant yesterday. I thought he just wanted to bug me and still didn't really care about me. Now I don't know what do think... I love him so much, I have such strong feelings for him that I can no longer control and now I feel like shit b/c I didn't hug him back. But I would've if I knew he was trying to be nice to me again!!! I feel like such an ass now when he should be the one feeling like one! I'm so lost, I want to be friends w/him, and more if he'd like, but I don't think that's going to happen right now. Dave told me he came over to his house yesterday and was pissed off at me and was calling me a fuckin' bitch b/c I told him to get away from me when he was trying to be friends again. But it's not my fault!!! I didn't know what it meant! I prayed to God to let Mike be friends w/me again. It means so much to me, and now I'm hurting inside, just like I did right after Dave broke up w/me. That's how bad I feel and how much I care about Mike. If only he could see what I really thought about him, he would know and not be mad at me. Now he never wants to talk to me again and all I want to do is call his house and make it better again... Dave tried to call him on three way for me to straighten it out and now I want to know why Dave didn't defend me in the 1st place when he had the chance. I didn't think to ask him that, but I can't now cuz he's busy and I prolly won't talk to him again until tomorrow. Then he can call Mike again for me and we can try to be friends again.. I just pray he's not that mad at me and he'll be nice to me again... Ohhhhh... Why is my life so hard??? I'm always in pain it seems.

I'm listening to Staind right now, and their lyrics r burning in my head and seem to apply to Mike.. "I sit here locked inside my head, remembering everything u said. The silence gets up nowhere, gets us nowhere way too fast..."

Oh yeah, I'm currently working on an art site for me to show all my original art work, but the stupid server won't let me upload my pics.