sad and sick, am I loved enough?

My apologies for not updating the last few days. I felt depressed and sick today after 4th bell. I felt sick from all that singing, singing the same 2 pages 10 times cuz we were having solo tryouts so we had to sing our own parts w/the solo for each person and it made me feel sick, I guess. Plus I needed to eat.

Mike Hagar told me today that Drew Neal liked me and I guess wanted to go out w/me, but I don't like him like that. Just as a friend and I don't find him sexually attractive. He's ok, just doesn't make me want his body, lol. That was what I was depressed about. I get love from the wrong people. At least Stephanie Link loves me though, I love her, she's so cool. I'm so happy we're finally friends now.

My Mike, as in Mike Stone, was actually nice to me today when he heard me saying I needed a hug cuz I was depressed and sick and I got one from Dave and him. I held on to Mike, it made me feel better. Then I got depressed again after lunch cuz everyone was leaving me and stopped paying attention to me again.

I was also depressed cuz I couldn't catch the fuckin' ball in gym, so I felt like a big dumbass. It came to me like 6 times, and each time I couldn't hold on to it. I think tomorrow I'm going to write the word dumbass on a piece of tape and stick it on my forehead, see what people say.

Mike shaved his hair too and Dave helped. It doesn't look bad really. It feels very soft, I like to touch it now. Oh, I love Mike.. Isn't it so sad? He'll never want me the way I want him. Neither will Dave again, and prolly not even Alex. But that's ok, cuz he has a smelly penis! Hahahaha! Get that one? Only Ruby will..

Tomorrow night I'm going to the U.S.S. Nightmare w/Alex though, so maybe we can talk then and maybe I will still tell him how I feel, but I might as well not since he has a gf right now. He'll just be like "I can't do anything about it now, I have a gf" or some gay shit even though I have been trying to get him this whole past month or so.