metamorphisis

Well now that these bad events have happened to me once again, I shall try, once again, to metamorphisize. I'm tired of being the pathetic human being that I am, but can't seem to break from it, no matter what things come to me to hurt me, I still sit there and take it w/much pain for many days. Let's try to change that again.

Today, I tried to mainly sleep after I got home fromt that jail u call school. I'm not interested in doing good in my classes at the moment, cuz this is what this shit does to me. I just need to find weed again and stick to it this time. It will help me thru. Hopefully.

Do I have any plans to be friends w/Dave still? No. He doesn't deserve my company when he hurts me like that. But he never thinks when he tells me those things. He just says it and it doesn't matter what else has been going on. Oh, and it's not even called a "haidus" anymore, it's not just a break up. Remember Break ups Dave mean, fuck u. So FUCK U! U don't want me anyway. Guess u saw my patheticness and left. I feel dirty cuz we had to have sex in our relationship, and HE doesn't want that now. Well ur the horny lil' shit. So am I, but if u had a prob. why don't u say so. I don't see how he can go one day, being all horny and wanting sex, and THE VERY NEXT DAY, say "I want to find someone who's preferably a virgin, I don't sex to be a part of it." Well sex should've affect the relationship unless that's all it's built on. Guess he thinks that's all ours was built on. I don't know.

Oh and get this, when I was walking to 5th bell, I'm pretty sure out of the corner of my eye, Heather stuck her tongue out at me while walking by. Does she know? I told Dave specifically not to tell her cuz I don't want her to think she's won, that lil' ugly cunt. If I see her do that for sure again, I'll yell at her this: "What the fuck u lookin' at, bitch?" and keep walking. If she says anything gay like "U" or "I heard u and Dave broke up" I'll be like, to the first one:"Glad ur having fun" and to the 2nd:"Yeah, but don't think u can stop ur continuous crying and he's gonna take u back, he still thinks ur shit. Hah." I hope that will piss her off.

Oh and I finally just remembered sumthing I remembered earlier from the Manson Bio that may be true about Dave and my relationship:"Ever relationship has it's problems, breaks apart like a vase, and keeps being glued and then broke again over and over again, until the pieces become too small to be fixed anymore." Maybe he and I will be like that one day. It will just stop one day, maybe I should just make it stop now since he doesn't love me anymore. If that's the case then, I might as well forget him now... The one I thought was the love of my life is now dead.