I am shit

Well just to update everyone while I'm at school, sitting in this stupid Word Processing class that is too fucking easy for any dumbass to receive lower than an A, things got worse Sat. after my last update. Dave had called, and I explained what happened, how upset I was at the whole situation and myself, and then he said sorry too. But then later he calls at like 12:30 when I was watching one of those fake late night pornos on HBO, and is like "I have sumthing to get off my chest to u." And I didn't think it would be as humungous as it was. At the moment, I can't remember what trifling thing I thought it might be. But he decides we need to have a "haidus" or temperary break up, for the good of BOTH of us, b/c he doesn't want to end up "cheating on me" b/c of his feelings for other people and he wants to experiment w/that, kinda like how I still wanted to do over A MONTH AGO, but no, he has to wait until I"m all settled in again, and break my heart AGAIN when I thought he wouldn't possibly commit such a felony to me. But, HE DID. That whole day was shitty for me, and the next wasn't any better. I wanted to talk to him b/c I wanted him to take it back, and every time I talked to him, it was the same, so I tried more and more and finally I blew up when I was talking to him right before redying my roots again and he was like "Well after I get home from the mall w/Sid, I'm going to go straight to bed and not call anyone." I asked if that included me, cuz me being pathetic, wanted to talk to him again even when it wasn't necessary. He said, "Well I said everyone." So I said "Whatever, then, bye." And hung up the phone. Like he gave a shit anyway. I just now saw him for the first time in school all day on the way back from B lunch where I sat alone and isolated, the way it's meant to be for me, and looked him in the eye, and gently, smoothly, handed back the Manson Bio I borrowed from him that's really Sid's and kept walking. I know he was trying to read my face. Let's see if today he saw "the anguish in my eyes."

I bet he didn't care.