loved by all

So weird.. Dave breaks up w/me two weeks ago and now is lonely once again and wants me back and misses me. What a surprise, all I did was care for him day and night and always worry about his wellbeing. He puts me thru Hell whenever he says he's going to kill himself. I hate it.

He and Alex came over yesterday night and Alex begged to borrow $10 bucks from me for weed b/c it was his last night of partying. He just better give me the money back. He was trying to persuade me to give him head, but I told him I wasn't his whore and I was damn straight, lol. I'm not giving either of the two kisses on the lips, all they get is on the cheek, they both chose not to take me and leave me, so I'm not going to stay there and be there for them whenever they want me. They need to learn the concept of "right-timing". I just hate going back and forth w/Dave, and I still really like Sid and want to have a relationship w/him. But then I think: how could I ever be happy if I don't end up w/Dave the rest of my life? If it would be too hard to be w/someone else. There will always be that "special place in my heart" for Dave, but I think there's a chance I could make a special place in there for Sid too and I want to. But what if, by some small chance, Sid and I end up falling inlove and Dave's left by himself? I refuse to let his fate be like that. I don't know what I would do. I think we'd all go insane and never talk to each other agian or sumthing. That would suck ass though, lol. I have a concept though. Since I love Dave, Sid (well maybe i will), and Dave T. Maybe if they're all still lonely and I'm w/one of them, I'll just let them all come live w/me and we'll live in one tight happy loving family where I can love them all and everyone could be happy. We could do "family-like" activities together and have fun w/each other. Maybe Alex could be included too, since he's also one of us and he may be lonely some day. Although I don't think I'd have sex w/them all, that's a gray area. Only the one I'm actually w/, but who knows. Doesn't that sound like a good solution? I don't want anyone to be lonely cuz I know how horrible that feeling is, thinking ur always going to be like that and never have anyone to share ur life w/. It's sumthing Dave and I have in common. We both know the horrible feeling of loneliness and hate it, but sometimes he likes it, or so he says, but I don't really buy into that, cuz I know the real little boy inside. My boy. My Dave. The one I'll love forever.

Btw, I couldn't see Sid today cuz he's out w/his friend Gowey who is moving tomorrow so he wanted to spend his last night w/one of his good friends, Sid, so I guess that's what's goin' on. They'll prolly be out all night. Tomorrow is the Coal Chamber concert, and I know I'm not going now, although I wish I could. Dave, Sid, and the other Dave are all going so I envy them, but oh well. Maybe I can hang out w/Sid on Weds. if I'm not busy finishing my college research paper which is due this Thursday. I got most of it set up, but I still have to fill in the rest of my outline and do the body paragraphs of it. Spring Break starts this Friday though, so that's a good thing. I hope I can have some fun w/Sid over Spring Break. I should be hanging out sometime w/Dave T. too since he's on Spring Break right now and wanted to see me. Maybe we can get high, hehehe.