been a while

It has been a very long time since my last entry. I haven't felt like it or had the time to make an entry and as time went on I knew I would have more and more to say. So now, I can't go into the details of the last 2 weeks.

I have started driving school and tonight is my 5th class. Thursday will be my last and then I will get to go out driving w/an instructor. For maybe just 8 hours, but that doesn't seem like a lot to me and it's supposed to last for 4 weeks. I'm going out to dad's on July 7th and then to Sheri's if I ever get the plane ticket and then back to dad's and then I'm returning home to see my grandparents on Aug. 4th.

I haven't been driving much at all since I got my temps and right now I have driven a total of 3 1/4 hours. Not much considering I should be getting my real liscense Aug. 23rd. Oh well. I'll get more driving in. I'm hoping to get a job but I still cannot see myself working. I was thinking of working at Larosa's. They r hiring now since they built the new one down by Thriftway.

Dave and I have been doing okay I guess. I'm actually depressed right now about him. I haven't even talked to him today and I only got to talk to him for about 15 min. yesterday before he got called into work early. I went into a desperate depression stage for about a half hour and decided I wanted to just be able to find people as pathetic as me online so I was going to create an AOL chat, but then I went into some others and met a few cool people. One man, 38, I talked to for like an hour and we were having a deep conversation about love and then talked about movies and stuff before he had to go eat dinner. He has a son my age, but I didn't talk to him. I wonder if he's cool. He said he was. I don't know the guy's first name. He knows I'm only 16 too. I like to share deep connections w/strangers. It makes u feel not alone anymore. I've just been depressed b/c I remember how Dave used to come over atleast every other day last summer and would get up early and ride the bus over here if he had to just to see me, but now he hasn't even tried to make any plans w/me since the last time I saw him, which was the last day of school, last Tuesday. Plus I keep remembering the time he called me and told me how bad he was dying to talk to me but Chuck, his stepdad, was on the phone and he was annoying him so he would get off the phone. I thought it was so sweet but he's never been so enthusiastic about talking to me in a long time. I'm very hurt by that. Maybe it's just cuz I'm stupid. But I always want to talk to him. I haven't been calling him since a few days ago to see if maybe he'd be more anxious to talk to me but no sign of that so far. He never will again. I don't want to grow apart from him and when shit like this happens I'm afraid we will so I have to get it back how it used to be. Why doesn't he want to see me? I was crying on the phone when I was asking him why he couldn't get up early again and see me by taking the bus or getting rides this Thursday, but all he said was "well, we'll see. we have 3 days to talk about it still." I just cried, but I guess he didn't notice. I just don't get him. Maybe I need someone better who is more attentive like me. I have making myself live in torment from his stupid actions.

I haven't done much this summer. I got one of the books I needed for AP English from Borders last weekend and have barely started to read it. I haven't worked on any art yet. I rented Bram Stoker's Dracula and will be returning it today. I watched it twice. Not bad, but the book is better in some ways, but I like the love in the movie. I feel I have that kind of love but no one that's right for me to share it w/. I went to the mall w/Ruby last week and we played DDR and walked around for 3 hours. I got a workout going on that and managed to get 2 C's, so I'm improving. I saw Dave there and knew he was coming and asked him for some money and he gave me $1.50 in quarters, but had to go. That's actually the last time I've seen him. Well, I'm going to go. I will be leaving for driving school in 10 min.