issues in my life

I haven't been feeling like updating lately, but I've just been thinking about my life and how it's going to be in the next few years and what may happen b/t Dave and I. He always makes me worried and now he's acting like the other Dave, saying he's getting a thrill out of hurting and killing animals and people and plus I found out that he was still doing heroin when I knew him, which I didn't think he was and he just quit 2 months ago. I found out cuz he called me the other night saying he needed someone to help him b/c he was getting the shakes from not doing heroin and I got so pissed off at him when I found that out but of course, I couldn't yell at him b/c it would just "bring him down" and he would want to go get some more, but god damnit! It's just like the shit that I'm talking about! Everytime he does shit to me or sumthing that upsets me I can never get resolved b/c I can't ever yell at him cuz he has some fucking problem or another. That's bullshit and I'm tired of it. I still love him alot though and care for him and I want to do whatever I can to keep him in a good state of mind, but nothing ever seems to work. He won't listen to me about things and then he finds out that they were bad for him anyway. I just get so sick of everything, but then I think, "well, I know our relationship is definately not perfect, but at least I can still be his friend and help him out when he's in trouble or when he needs someone, b/c I'm not the type of person that wants to abandon people that they care about, no matter what." I love him too much to turn my back on him and I want him to always know that I'll be here for him, whether he treats me right or not. At least I will treat him good and be there. Maybe one day he can realize that and love me as much as I love him, if he doesn't, and be as devoted to me as I am to him and marry me. But oh well, that's prolly dream world, b/c we both want to be diff. places and we'll prolly both meet diff. people. But I don't know. We'll see how things end up. Maybe even after we both move, we'll really realize we can be w/each other and we'll move somewhere together or to the other person's place. We'll just see.