"don't get aggressive with the oreos!!"

Haha, my subject line is one of the happy moments of my trip to Sheri's. It was the last night I was there and Nick came over and we all got high and every time I got high I would pig out on the oreos cuz my grandma brought a big ass 10 pack box of oreos and this was like our last pack. Nick always likes to eat anything he sees over there so he asked me for one and I gave him one, but then he grabbed another one, and I was like "hey, u didn't ask" and then he grabbed another and dunked it in my milk and that's when i said "Hey, don't get agressive w/the oreos!" lol it was dumb but a pleasant memory I have b/c I was in a peaceful environment that made me happy.

Our plans got screwed up for Sun. and Mon. b/c of Sheri's tire blowing out on the highway on the way to Mexico and we could've died!! lol, but Rich being the man that he is, took control and it was ok. It sucked though, I wish my dad was more understanding and would've let me stay. My life is one big inconvienence. We went to Hollywood and checked that out but I couldn't find Bela Lagosi's star for Dave, that dumbass doesn't realize there r 1000s of stars spread everywhere in Hollywood, so I would've been looking forever or asking someone where it was.

I miss being there so much. I still close my eyes and picture myself there. I can't believe it's over. Whenever something like this happens I always ask "why? why do i always have to leave the happy things? why does everything always turn into shit for me?" nothing stays happy for me. I'll be so happy one minute and so depressed the next b/c of my environment and the people around me.

Looking back on my older entries, I didn't really start to get depressed until after I went out w/Dave. I had the same problems before but I just never updated about them, and plus I had them in 8th grade and stuff but I didn't have the diary then, and back then I didn't think I should put all that stuff on here, but now I do. It's funny that Dave was the man who made me the happiest and yet the most depressed though. I've decided to stay away from him until I figure out what the hell I'm going to do about everything (ha, which is never in a way) but I haven't talked to him on the phone since Mon. and I talked to him online Tues. I don't think he knows that he can IM me on this sn too, but oh well. Hehe, I won't tell him, I won't call him, I won't e-mail him. I don't even want him to know when I'll be back home, but I've already told him Aug.4th, so I hope he doesn't bug me. I want to go home undetected by everyone. Well I guess my other friends can know that I'm home.. But I might just spend a few days by myself in my own world before I try to make contacts again.

My bus ride back was okay, but I cried the first hour or so. Getting on that bus, I felt so alone and isolated, like these people there didn't give a fuck who I was and why I was depressed. I don't think any of them even noticed. I feel like most people just don't give a shit about others. I can't stand it. If i saw a girl like that on the bus I would be worrying about her, but I don't know if I would talk to her or not b/c I wouldn't know if she would want me to bug her, but I might.

I called Sheri after I got back and learned that the card and pics she gave me was for me, not my mom like I thought she said, I wish I would've opened them sooner. I thought about it. I almost cried again on the phone w/her. At first there wasn't too much to say I just wanted to say I wish I was there and not here. Here is not so bad, but it is compared to being there in Orange County, CA. I talked to her about seriously going to finish my high school out there and if they had a good school around there. She said the Tustin one was the best and the rest were pretty shitty. I doubt I could finish school there though. I just want to escape from Ohio and start my new life already. I plan on changing my main aol sn when I get out there b/c it would be like shedding all of my pathetic past and starting anew. Not sure what I'll change it to though.

Listening to Aerosmith right now. I don't get why so many people hate the band b/c they make really good songs. They think that they've sold out and all that shit I think or sumthing. I want to type some good quotes from their "Just Push Play" cd:

"Gotta find a way. Yeah, I can't wait another day. Ain't nothin' gonna change if we stay round here. Gotta do what it takes, cuz it's all in our hands, we all make mistakes. yeah. But it's never too late to start again. take another breath. And say another prair (not sure how to spell that since i don't go to church or anything, the only part I don't exactly agree w/)! Fly away from here, anywhere, yeah, I don't care. We just fly away from here. Our hopes and dreams r out there somewhere. Won't let time pass us by, we just fly...U can have a better life now, open ur wide eyes. Cuz no one here can ever stop us, they can try but we won't let them.. No way."

"I imagine everyone sumtimes will cross their heart and hope to die to tell that 'love u' lies. I imagine everyone survives, forgive enough, give all that u got, to tell that 'love u' lies... So much more behind the kiss I'm feelin'!"

"Yeah she's beyond beautiful, she'll never be nobody's fool to be stuck w/... Believe it or not, this love that we got is beyond beautiful."

Oh yeah, I am creating a gothic dark thoughts type site, but I don't know my pw so I'm screwed until I get home, unless I have my aunt get on my name and fwd the stuff. We'll see... God I don't want to go camping.. bleh, so boring..