beginning of school

Sorry I haven't updated. Last time that I tried to, it wouldn't let me, so I blew it off and then kept forgetting.

After that day when I told Dave to fuck off he called me back that friday giving me an attitude, instead of an apology (his exact words:well, i've been thinking about that one time u talked about us not talking anymore in ur diary, well, I think we should do that). And that was all it took to make me reach my limits, I went off on him psychotically, he had made me reach my breaking point. I had taken enough of his shit, so I called him back after hanging up, and he hung up on me, but then I was determined to make him hear me, I don't care how long I had to keep calling back, but the second time he answered he goes, "I'm busy" and that was what really set me off completely. I told him I wouldn't take his shit anymore, and he's going to suffer for it now. It's already starting. But anyway, I've seen him in school a few times now (School's been doin' ok) and two times w/eye contact. I can see what he's thinking when I look into those eyes and he feels it now. Fucking bastard. David C. told me that he was talking to him about him seeing us one day being close friends again and I told David that Dave could just fuck off cuz I'm not taking 1/3 of him again, I will not and can not handle him w/another girl. I just can't do it.

David C. told me that Dave found out from his doctor that he only has 10% of his immune system left, due to drug ussage. It really pissed me off and I told him that it serves Dave right, and that my bitching at him did have a point, but it's his fucking fault that he never listens, but anyway, his doctor says if he catches anything as bad as the flu or worse he could die, and he doesn't really have much of a chance of living past 21, and Dave always said he would die young, but I do feel really bad about him, but I still can't see it happening to him. The way his life has happened, is that he could've died many times, but the fact that he's still alive proves to me that he should be living and even his weak immune system isn't going to stop him, but who knows. I just know I will be really depressed when he dies, and I hope it doesn't happen anytime w/in the next few years, even though I still hate him. The love will still always be there too.

So anyway, I got done w/my essays but some were crappy. AP Euro u can obviously get away w/not doing ur work, but I know that I have to for AP Eng. We only have 8 people in that class, including me. In AP Euro we have like 11, so it's weird. Lunch isn't just for seniors, they didn't let us have our own lunch, but in a way that's ok, but I'm not w/Ruby. I sit w/Nicki and I have study hall w/her that bell. Atleast it's an hour earlier this year. Jeff's in my study hall, but I don't like him b/c he never talks to me and I try w/him, but he's doesn't do what he says he'll do.

Ruby spent the night last night since they had to move all of the furniture out of her room for their new carpet, but she didn't get here until 9:00. I stayed up w/her until 11:00 and then I had to go to bed b/c I was too tired and she had to do work still anyway. We walked over to Andy's first though so we could show him Ruby's senior preview pics and I really liked them. She was so pretty! But we got up ok, but she didn't get good sleep and then Andy picked us up for school (yes, andy gives me rides in the mornings! And today I have him a two liter of mountain dew for a months worth of rides, lol. He gives Sophie rides too). Today David C. came over too and we watched American HIstory X, which is a really good movie. I think I'll buy it for myself. The two brothers r hot in it, too, lol. I was somewhat depressed starting 4th bell today, b/c I think too much about things and I just wish I could get away from my mind. I need weed bad now, but I'm actually ok at the moment. I was depressed the whole 2nd half of the day though and had a weird and uncomfortable moment w/Andy, Ruby, and Brandi today (yes, I talk to her again now too, she's ok). But I guess I'll just try to forget it, but it was really weird.

WEBN Fireworks is this weekend, and I don't know who I'm going to go w/yet. I keep trying w/Dave T. (ha, 3 daves, it's so funny) but he's too busy w/his car.