"embrace is unreal"

Can't u see that I'm here inside u? Can't u see that I'm here inside?... This is my harmony, I'm in ur heart again. This is the place to live, where I'm all alone again. " -Lacuna Coil

Oo I can't wait til I get some more fucking money. I have money now, but I can't spend it on those lip service clothes. Right now, I've been looking at ebay and I think I'm going to buy a lot of lip service clothes from there cuz some r a lot cheaper than at the stores and website. At the store I think they jack some of the prices up, even though I saw today that some of it was 20% off, just like I figured. They had the nurses outfit, the geisha dresses, and of course some of their new line, love lies bleeding. I love all their shit! I need the money to buy it! Ahhh, I"m in fucking heaven here. I love it so goddamn fucking much, I wish my friends could be here w/me to share in the enjoyment of this experience. I just wonder if Criss will ever really live here. I could see him living in New Orleans more, but ya never know. We'll see what he likes best. But for me, CA is it. It has everything I will ever need. I just need more money to do everything and have everything. I'm so materialistic, but oh well. People love my clothes..

Anyway, my mom came into town yesterday and left today. She came w/Ralph just to see me and drop my shit off and stuff, so now, finally, a month later after beginning living here, I have most but still not all my stuff, like my books, cds, and pictures. We went to Huntington Beach again today (hence why I'm talking about the lip service store) and hung out and ate at this great place named BJ's. They have great dessert, but they're a lil' bit more expensive (an average of $8-10 bucks a meal and dessert is almost 5 bucks, but sooo good.) I will be going up to see my mom, grandparents, and kitties during Thanksgiving and I miss my kitties so much. It's hard not having them around me at my aprt, but at least I have Shadow, Sheri's cat that I can see twice a week.

I love Lacuna Coil, and I love ICP!! ICP is comin' back for me. Jeff really likes them and went as Shaggy for Halloween. I went as the girl from The Ring, and I also entered the school costume contest, but lost to this really authentic looking head-orc guy from LOTR. He deserved it though. My costume was a lil' last min. Next year I must win though! I will be ready for it next year. I went to Chewey's (a guy that my roommates and neighbors know who goes to my school and now I know and is cool) party on Friday (Halloween) night and at first it was just me, Ann-Marie, and Jeff and this other guy who I still can't remember his name but both of his ears r pierced and he's really tall and kinda cute and cool and chewey and brandon and some other dude. But then Mohan (a cool guy from my english class), Matt( a cool drug dealer that used to live in our aprt and is cute too), and a bunch of others like Greg and John showed up. I fucking hit some chronic, or dank as called out here, 3 or 4 times, once in a blunt, once in Jon and Greg's new small bong, and Mohan's big ass bong, and maybe one time before all that in a bowl. It was cool. I had 2 beers too so I was buzzed from that. I always tell people I love them when I'm buzzed or drunk. I express my emotions more when I'm like that, I kinda like that, but I also have to be careful of what I reveal-can't reveal too much or I'll screw myself into looking like a jackass. But yeah, that was fun. I had to get home to try to finish hw though, but I never did finish it all. Too much and too much going on that week. I'll be better about it though, I promise! This is only my first quarter, I had to feel things out. Never will I get Sat. classes or morning classes again!

I like Jeff more now, but I was also interested in Mohan amd Matt at the party. God, once again, I'm such a whore. I want to do everybody, and I know it's bad, but I have such a lust for people. I just have to have things sometimes. I'm fucked up like that. Oh and recently I learned more about my fucked up family. I really did come from fucked up parents, but sorry can't be telling people about it all. Just trust my word.

But I think I'm going to go. Oh I wrote a poem for English 2 last week, I'll try to post it on here when I get it back. I think it was pretty good for an amatuer poet like me. I'm also going to become a gold member of this site so I'll be able to upload images myself cuz I obviously can't rely on u slow ass lazy fuckers, lol. J/k, love u guys. Well I'm goin. Late Ohioans. (and yes, I meant "late", short for later, another term from Jeff)

"Set me free, ur heaven's a lie, set me free w/ur love... Oh no, here it is again. I need to know why did I choose to betray u. Sumthing wrong w/all the plans in my life. I didn't really that u've been here. Dolefully desired, destiny of a lie."-Lacuna Coil

"When ur taught thru feelings, when ur taught thru feelings.. It's just another day, the shame is gone. It's hard to believe that I've let it go, let it go, let it go" -Lacuna Coil

"U walk on by w/o feeling to ur stroll. U walk alone. Compromise it's not another contradiction. Ur not alone. There's a place to run away that is in ur heart, it is in ur heart. In ur heart ur love again. There's a place to be afraid. There's another chain to hold and u don't know. U need it by ur side, just let him know. Ur hell is when u dream and I'm awake."-Lacuna Coil