depression from the misconnection

God damnit, forced to rewrite this beautiful peace I had down! Ahhh, so much fucking frustration in my mind!!! Let's try to do this...

This afternoon was very extremely depressing for me. I was singing, crying my heart out until it collasped out of my weighted down lungs on to the floor infront of me, still bleeding, pulsing, while I was listening to Staind "Break the Cycle" very loud. U would think someone in this damn household would know, even people from my damn school could see, how I felt, why I felt this way. I was crying for society, humankind, our "situation" in this world and how pathetic it is. I made this quote: "We are nothing unless we have each other." This is how I feel in so many ways. No one is connected in this world, or I should say many of us aren't. We may be connected to someone, a few people, but that's really not alot. U would think people would see it in all the songs we write and all the movies we see... But we dont.... What's the point of humankind if we can't even see each other for what he really r. We all share the human experience, but we're all so different from each other. It wouldn't have to be like that if we just connected. Maybe I wouldn't be so pathetic if we were all connected. I know for sure I would be better. But is there really a God to pity us all in this mess? I don't know. I wish God would help us if he were here. All these horrible things happen to us, over and over again (terrorist attack on Sep. 11th being the biggest in recent history) and we still don't come together. Oh sure, everyone's buying flags, ligting candles, but after this is all over, we'll go back to our stupid pathetic lonely lives as empty human beings and stop caring about everyone else. Not everyone though. Maybe that's how God works, very slowly, a few people at a time. I know some people will be forever changed, but for the whole of the world, we're still selfish pigs. And I wonder if we really will wipe ourselves out of existence. I think we will if this keeps going on and never ends. I just wish I could live to see the day that it all goes down...