the destruction of Dave

Last night I went bowling w/Eddie, Brandon(who didn't bowl) and Dawn, who met us there late. I was uptight at first cuz I didn't feel like being w/two guys alone. I knew as soon as Dawn got there I would be fine, but I kept going back and forth outside to see if she was there yet and Eddie knew how tense I was and rubed my shoulders and told me to loosen up, but it didn't help, lol. She finally got there, we bowled, the first time I bowled I got a strike, but it was the only one I got in the game. I got two spares after that and the rest were 7 to 9 pins down. I threw a few gutter balls, but ended up winning w/a score of 109, Eddie 86, and Dawn 62, lol. Eddie looked nice too, he had on a long sleeve gray shirt and his cool black pants. Oo he was hot, lol. I just wore my design jeans, blue short sleeve tight fitting shirt, and my mom's black jacket buttoned over it.

Friday night I spent the night at Dawn's cuz she asked me, and I called Dave T. up to get my stuff back cuz it ended up that Dawn lived 3 houses away from him, which was quite ironic. So he came walking down the driveway at 11:00 at night, we sat and talked, all 3 of us, then we invited him inside. As soon as I saw him I wanted him again, I don't know why, but I'm still attracted to him and I do love him again. We watched Clerks and Dawn loved it. When Dave had to leave, which he ended up doing a lot later than he was supposed to, I told Dawn I was going to walk with him for a few minutes and come back, but that turned into an hour and 20 min. The reason was, I wanted to talk about him being an ass and breaking up w/me and then I saw him again for who he really was. Not an asshole like any regular guy, but much more than that, a shell of a man who was never born right into the world. Someone waiting to die, who only knows pain. He was talking to me about how horrible his life is, how he's blocked 90% of it out from before he was 12 that he just can't remember what happened to him. I care about him, I can't stand seeing a human being live like that. His view on life is so clear to him, there is a God and he laughs at us and our pain and our suffering. He kinda makes me think maybe it's true. But I don't know. I love him, I don't want him to suffer, I want him to feel love and happiness. He wonders what it's like. I don't want him to die not knowing happiness. It's not fair. As he said "he got the shaft." He's right, but I can barely help him. I just can't.

Well anyway, off of him, I know, it's depressing, but last night I came home at 8:00 from bowling cuz Eddie had to get home, but after we bowled, we went to Dawn's and hung out by the fire, I wanted to go see Dave and check on him, but when I got home I tried calling both Daves, neither was home. Then Dave Schram called me back at 10:29, but said he was at Sid's and he would call back after going to Sid's friends house, but never did. I figured he wouldn't. He said he was really high when he called me. I almost called Sid's, but figured even if they were there, they would be too messed up to talk. Oh well.. Why's life so complicated, and is there a God? I hope if there is, he will help Dave and not abandon him...