Thanksgiving

Blah, blah, blah. Sometimes I talk to much in these things. Oh well. I guess u people out there don't mind it cuz u read it anyway.. or atleast u better be reading it!! No skimming, damn u! Lol just being stupid. So anyway, finally back from that hick place KY. We got back yesterday at 5:00, just haven't been online yet. I had Goldstar for dinner last night. Thanksgiving dinner was pretty good, great corn and sweet turkey. I also had some green beans. Oh yeah, and the chocolate cake... oh god that was good. I had like 4 pieces that night, lol, and we brought some home w/us. I read a lot of my book on Thurs. but haven't read any more since then. I'll try to get to Book 4 today, but we'll see. I haven't done my History yet either.

Dave called me yesterday, twice while I was gone, I finally decided to call him back and of course, (I knew it was coming) he wasn't home. And let's guess, who was he w/? None other than his "boyfriend" Sid. Why don't u go suck his cock? U spend so much time together. Forget about me. I don't want this relationship w/u. Fuck it. I gotta make u leave me alone. But then how will I save u from killing urself? Well it's not my problem anymore is it? She can fuckin' take care of that! She should if u love her enough and she loves u. It's all bullshit. I hate love. Grrrr!!! But anyway he called me back at 11:30 or some shit and we ended up not resolving our problem AGAIN and just talking about stupid shit. I don't want to do it anymore, Dave!!! I love u, I wish u could just love me back and we could talk about shit all the time, but since I can't stand being ur best friend, we're going to have to stop it right now. Take a fuckin' break. I want to know what ur up to and I love talking to u, but talking to u brings me too much pain, so I have to end it for a while. Not forever. Just a while. I can't take the pain. U stupidass, u made me cry last night AGAIN. It's only like the 1 millionth time. It's ok, hurt me some more. We didn't even solve the issue. Kept getting side tracked. But I've decided the best thing for us, which I actually decided on Fri. or Thurs. but forgot, is that we need time apart. U don't deserve my love when u don't fucking give it back, so we're staying apart. We'll still say hi, still talk a lil' in school, but not everyday on the phone. I don't want to know abour ur relationship w/her anymore AT ALL and even though I've told u this, U STILL TELL ME which pisses me off AND depresses me even more. U keep me in this constant state of depression. Just when I think I leave it, u fucking bring me back.

I finally lit up my weed last night over this, to help me relax, not sure if it worked but I think it did a lil. And now I'm going to buy some so I can always have some for when I'm depressed. It made me feel better. It took me like 15 min. before I had the damn joint lit, but I finally got it. I'm stupid, I couldn't even use the lighter Cassie got me. I went looking for matches, and couldn't find any, so I finally remembered the torch lighter for the grill and used that and it worked. I had my window open, but when I left the room after I was done and came back, I could smell pot in my room, lol. Then I burned some incense for the hell of it and to help the smell.

I hope Dave doesn't read this. It might make him feel bad and try to kill himself again or sumthing. I don't want him to do that, but he's need to quit his shit. Some people say he's doing it for attention. I don't know what his deal is, but I'm sick of hearing him talk about it. It's like this: if ur going to do it, then do it, but if ur not, then don't. I know he's depressed but, he shouldn't do it. He's suppose to have support from her but I guess she sucks at it. I would give him support but he never lets me until later. Ahhh he pisses me off w/that shit! Just dont kill urself Dave, it's not worth it. If u do, I'll be mad at u forever and that would just suck too. Then u'll like go to hell or just be gone and I don't want that to happen. I've already expressed to u enough how much I don't want u to die so why do u keep doing it? Do u care about me at all? I know, it's not about me, it's u, but u should fucking know better. It's the coward's way out, and even Dave T. won't kill himself, he doesn't believe in that, and he has a way fucking worse life than u, no matter how bad urs is, his is worse, so don't fucking kill urself!!!!

Ah, anyway, on to a lighter subject: Eddie and I r doing ok I guess. I was really horny on Thursday cuz I started my period and I always get horny the first day or two, and I was all alone, so I called Eddie up on my phone card, well mom's, and talked to him around 5:00 on Thanksgiving, he told me I could call him back and he had to leave b/c he was going out to eat, but when I kept trying he wasn't there when I finally got thru. I didn't get him yesterday either. That bastard. I hate his phone! Go to hell Eddie's phone!! lol. He needs a cell, that fucker's always running around, but never to my house. Oh well. (And when I say fucker it's in the loving way.. hehe)