deep thoughts

The other night, Ruby and Sophie spent the night as planned. They came over at 1:30 or so I think and we watched Snatch, then the Marilyn Manson videos. We got online a lot, taking turns, and we also took a walk outside down to the park, me w/my Joey Jordison mask on, Ruby w/some of my eyeliner on, and Sophie w/some of my liquid eyeliner on w/my black lipstick (I applied both myself). At the park, Ruby took a few model shot photos of me and Sophie and we all got shots of each other play "fighting" w/sticks. Ruby and I got into a deep conversation about how children can be messed up and how we're messed up and what we think our flaws are. I think we could still talk some more about that subject though, but I enjoyed what we got out. It helped me feel more connected w/her. Sophie was there too, but she didn't join in as much since she was "thinking", I'm assuming about what we were talking about, but I guess she didn't feel like putting any thoughts in. Oh well. That's ok. Anyway, we walked back to my house a lil' later and watched Nine Inch Nails videos, but never felt like watching too much of the tour. Then it was dark and 9:00, so we put in my Interview w/the Vampire and Ruby liked it (mainly cuz of the gay stuff in it, lol) Ruby's now inspired to make a gay vampire film, lol. We slept down staris, Sophie fell asleep first, Ruby and I put in the NIN video again and talked a lil', then I put in NIN's Downward Spiral for us to listen to quietly and fall asleep to and we dozed off at 3:00 a.m. It was fun. The next morning Sophie left at 11:00, and Ruby hung around, I fed her a hot pocket, we both got online and took turns on it and she left around 2:30. I hope I didn't bore her too much when I was online trying to bookmark all the Vampire sites I found in the back of the Vampires book I borrowed from Sophie. I also borrowed her Vampires Documentary tape, but the 2nd tape hasn't worked, meaning played, at all so far. Sumthing's messed up on it. I'm temporarily borrowing the Marilyn Manson video too. It's like 2 hours long and I LOVE IT! Marilyn Manson is one of the most beautiful people alive. I love him...

Yesterday after Ruby left, Dave and Alex came over and Alex told me to gather some stuff to sell to Plato's Closet, so I did. We went after going to his house so he could get his stuff to bring, and I made $43.50 off my old crappy cds and prep clothes. Then we came back to my house, and left again to go find some weed w/our money. After a bunch of running around (including an exciting lil' "gas and go" down the street at a crappy gas station too stupid to know we had just got free gas) for 2 and a half hours, we finally got it at 10:30, smoked a bowl on the way to my house, we all came in (including some Chris guy that I know, but can't put my finger on what class he was in w/me, was w/us) and we smoked some in my room. We got high and we put in that stupid tape Eve made for me last year when I was actually her friend and we laughed our asses off at it, mainly me laughing cuz she is so fucking stupid, ahahha. It was good times. Oh yeah, as a result of the running around I now know where David Rapp lives, but since it was dark and everything, I don't remember how to get there, lol. They left soon after and did some yard jobs and donuts and such, high off there asses as I was told by Dave. (Hmm maybe I should reopen this site since I won't be doing shit w/Sid anymore, but I think I'll wait and see about that...)

Anyway, also last night, when Alex went out on his own for a half hour w/my money to find some weed (which of course was never found until later that night), after we all got back from Plato's Closet, Dave and I sat alone in my room and talked. We played a short game w/my lil' animal figures and at the end I had the beautiful caring tiger marry the lonely depressed otter and they lived happily ever after (Symbolizing how I felt about me and Dave). I knew me and Dave would end up kissing and when Alex showed up and as I was standing by my bed and Dave was lying on it, he said "Come mere and give me one last hug before he gets in here and let us have one last moment together" and for a few secs. we were both taken back to how it used to be, to the warm place we both still keep in our hearts for each other, and I found him and I kissing, and I think he asked for one first, b/c I remember after I gave him one kiss, he said "Aw, u can do better than that". So we exchanged a few more wetter ones before we heard Alex coming up the stairs. Then I jumped away from Dave's warm embrace and back into the reality we are now in. Later that night Dave and I were holding hands when we walked in and out of McDonald's and Alex turned around and was like "I don't get u two, 1 min. ur saying u hate each other and rn't going out and the next ur being all close and shit" but we insisted that's not how it was and the other funny thing about last night was two different people mistoke Dave and I for still going out w/each other and we had to say "No, man we'r not going out, we're both single." I think it just symbolized it all... I guess I should explain.. It symbolized that no matter if we're going out or not, we're still always together, and even other people can see our connection. I don't know, I guess that's what I mean. It just means we're meant for each other, cuz people see us as a couple.. But blah blah, whatever.

I'm mad at Alex cuz the last two times he's gotten weed he's been using me for the money and I am not going to be friendly w/him again or let him borrow money or anything else again until I get my satisfied money back and he owes me atleast $20 bucks. He never payed me back the $10 for the first time, and I payed for our weed last night w/MY $40 bucks but he and Dave think he payed in w/his 10 too, but he didn't cuz if he did, I would have that 10. It's just confusing, but he basically owes me like 40 cuz I said I would put in 10 on the weed last night, so that left 30 for him, but he owed me 10 anyway, but I'm cutting him a break, since I know he won't want to pay that much, even though I think I deserve all my $40 back. He just better pay me back atleast 20, but I'd rather have $30 atleast, but oh well. I'll just have to make sure I use him in the future, cuz he ain't gettin' anymore of my money again. (Btw, we stopped by Sids to try to get him to come along, but didn't find him at home or work, but I do miss him and still like him. Too bad he won't do anything w/me now, but he needs to see me atleast)

I hope u've noticed the new links. I've added some more gothic clothing sites, an E.T. link, and two informational Elizabeth Bathory sites I found. Enjoy. They are all very good sites, since I only put the best on here.