a normal life doesn't exist for me

Bleh, needed to update, and finally got here to do it. There are definitely things to talk about.

Yesterday Dave came over for a few hours and we hung around. We're very close now since this week. It was like the 3rd time he's seen me this week and prior to this he couldn't work out any day to see me. It's funny he only does it when he wants me. He's been feeling so lonely lately and I can understand, but I was actually content, not wanting him w/all my heart and just trying to lead a normal life and not obsess over him. I was doing a great job at it, too. but then he had to come back on me. I'm still trying to remember how it happened.. I remember Murph and him coming over earlier this week (not sure about the days right now cuz I haven't been in school to keep track of each day) but I was being stupid, they wanted weed, and I layed on top of them both. Dave didn't do anything then. Oh wait, this was before school was out for Spring Break. Dave was messed up or sumthing, they were leaving, Murph wanted me to suck his cock but of course I didn't and that was the night Dave wanted a kiss from me and I knew he was changing again. Then I asked him about it the next day at school and he was like "Well yeah, I'm so lonely..." and blah blah. It sill wasn't clear that it was only me he wanted until later this week. Now I know he wants me back again, and I know he is learning from what he had done and he now doesn't think he can be happy w/any other girl cuz all he can think about is me. The other day he told me how he was w/"the other girl" (not sure, maybe it was Ashley I think) and she was laying on his stomach and for a sec. he thought it was me and when he looked down at her and saw it wasn't he said he immediately threw her off of him in a somewhat panic or whatever. He realizes that a relastionship wouldn't work w/her anyway or any other girl he might be thinking about. (This is what I've been telling him, I don't know what he really expects to find out there, I told him he should know we're the only perfect match, atleast as perfect as u can get) He knows I am the only one in the world for him and I think the same about him and always have.

Anyway, yesterday we did have sex and I take satisfaction in getting him off w/my mouth, hehe. So it was a good "session". But that was the 2nd time we've had sex and the first I'm guessing was Thursday or so and that's when we became free and nonrestricted from each other and we made out and hugged and were close once again the only way I feel that is right w/us. So we ended up deciding to have sex and it was okay, but yesterday's was better.

We're not going out again, but he was telling me about a dream he had in which he asked me "sumthing" (obviously if i would go out w/him again) and I had shot him down and he was at my house so he walked home crying and I felt really bad for him when he said that. I love him so much and I don't want him to be hurt, but I've kinda decided to myself that I don't want to go out w/him yet again and I explained to him what I had stated before about him needing to grow up b/c I wasn't going to take him breaking up w/me again and I said it would be the last time, so I just want to give us BOTH time to be a lil' free, even though he already basically thinks I'm his alone again, but if sumthing comes up w/someone else (which i doubt) I will tell him that's not how it is cuz we're not going out-we're simply showing our affection for each other and I don't find anything wrong w/that. But anyway, he wrote me a sweet poem that he implied to me he wanted me to read it, so when he "went to the bathroom" I did, but I didn't let on that I did right away. It was entitled "You" and it was very beautiful and of course, it was all about me and how he was feeling. He wrote it on the spot in like 8 min. Maybe I'll post a copy of it on here. After he left later that night, I did a sketch in my hard cover sketche book in response to it and it's not too bad. I'll show that to Ruby and Sophie if they want to see it.

Well besides all that love stuff, school starts tomorrow again and I'm dredding it. I did my terms even though I don't think he told us we had to. I started on my own stilllife but I'm not near finished w/it. When I finally sit down for a couple of hours and get it drawn and then color it (w/colored pencil) I think it will look nice. I didn't get a head start on any art work though.