"I wish I could be queen, just for today"

"It's a great big white world. And we r drained of our colors. We used to love ourselves... we used to love one another.." -Manson

I'm in complete abandonment once agiain. Dave Schram abandons me for sleep, Dave Thomason abandons me to play basketball w/his friends. I had asked him to come over today and then he changes it on me. They both don't care. No one does. I can't find comfort in any other single soul. I want to dissappear from this earth, I don't want to live this life anymore. No one will ever love me again and what I thought was true of course was to good to be. Dave S. doesn't really care or why would he hurt me so? I'm so angry. I want him to suffer. Why should I b/c of him? He's a bitch! And I hate him! I want to bleed. I HATE MY LIFE! I hate school. Everyone is so dumb I hate listening or even being around them! They make me even more ANGRY! I'm fucking alone and that's how I'll always be! I hate it and fear it so much. None of my friends could understand. They don't know what I go thru in these depressing times. I gave it all to him and he can't give SHIT back. I hate him! I hate myself! Now to do the bloodletting...