sumthing's wrong w/me

We went to that get together today and I did okay for the first few hours. I didn't know what to do w/myself though. I have no social skills and I hate myself for that and every other problem I have that fucks me up. I don't know how normal people live. They were all great people and I feel I let them all down. I acted like such an asshole to my mom but she laid that bullshit on me again which no real good mother would do "I'm tired of ur shit, I think I'll just send u off to ur dad's." I just replied "yeah, like that'll help!" She doesn't know how to deal w/me and the next time she tries to yell at me for my pathetic flaws I will be like, "Guess what??!! It's called DEPRESSION!!!!!!!" I kept telling her today that I am fucked up and she made me this way but she just doesn't get it. She doesn't know what all I know and one day I just want to scream it in her face and watch her fall. I don't really want to be mean to my mother b/c she has done a lot for me, yet at the same time, she has hurt me. She doesn't know how to truely help me. Sure we're close, but it doesn't matter. No one understands me and when we were finally leaving tonight I started to tear up and I don't know why, I'm just so fucking weak inside, I cried partly b/c I let those people down by not being nice and shit and I hate it when I feel like I'm a spectacle and I hate attention and my mom was all in my face w/that other guy and he was kept trying to make me smile, which usually works, but I was just upset inside and had no ounce of happiness. I really feel like this year will be the worst for me, b/c before I wasn't so bad, but now I just loath everything 10 times as much and I'm not motivated at all right now to do any school summer work and school starts in less than 3 weeks. I don't want to end up like James and screw my senior year up, but I'm just so unhappy here and I feel for as long as I'm here, I'm just going to loathe every second of it, until I'm happy and away from this wretched place. So oh well, I try to tell them I'm just a disappointment.