my demise

I sent my application in for Ai of Orange County yesterday, so it's on its way. I also took my driving test for the first time, and am happy to announce that I passed. I went 32 in a 25 mile hour zone and did a short turn, which I would argue, but overall, I think the lady was nice. I got thru w/the manueverability pretty easily, and plus I practiced yesterday before I took my test, just to make sure. My mom and I still have to take back the cones that we got from my driving school about 2 weeks ago. She was so sick though the past week, that it's been hard to do anything.

I went and saw Dave T. yesterday and we walked down the street and got high w/the usual people and watched Blade 2. Ha, for being high, I actually knew what was going on this time. I was pretty focused on the movie. Before we went though, he was being very affectionate w/me and telling me how much he's missed me, but I just don't know if that's real. Maybe he just wanted some b/c he got a hard on, which I figured would happen. I know he hasn't had sex since the last time we did it before I left for CO, but I just didn't feel like having that careless lustful friends w/benefits relationship w/him anymore. He kept kissing me on my lips and I was pushing him away, but he told me he was just trying to show me how much he missed me, but whatever. It ended once we walked out of his house, which I'm pretty thankful for, for the first time. Oh and I spent $5 of my cuz Suzi's b-day money that she sent me, $10 altogether, to buy a joint off Ted, one of the guys down there. (I also went to best buy and bought 3 new cds w/my grandma's b-day money she gave me: $40. They were: Stabbing Westward "Darkest Days" (I love it), Korn "Untouchables" (I love it), and Switchblade Symphony (I don't know if I like this one yet, it's weird)

Anyway, I was having an okay day yesterday and talked to Dawn and Amy, told Dawn that I passed and that I applied at where she's working righ tnow, and just talked to Amy about stuff until HE beeped in. I said hello and he told me "hey, we need to make amends before I do this" which worried me cuz i wanted to know what "this" was, and I said "Well, it ain't gonna happen over the phone or in one day either." Then I guess I asked what he meant by this and he said this girl named Stevie, the one who actually talked to me on the bus on Monday, needed to die and that he would be in my neighborhood "tonight", but I said "don't come to my house" cuz I didn't want to see him. And I called him stupid and said he does stupid things b/c he made it sound like he wanted to kill her or sumthing, and then I was just like "I have someone on the other line, so bye" and he let me go. I got off the phone w/Amy then and thought about what he might do and if he may try to talk to me tonight. I kept watching out the window in my room and saw some suspicious cars but I think they were just for my neighbor anyway, cuz they're were a lot of people stopping at her house last night. I was going to go to bed around 11:00 last night too, but no, of course he had to fuck that up. I hate him. I stayed up, and was falling asleep around 1:00 and got ahold of David, cuz he's the only one I could really talk to to see what was going on, and he was at work and called me back at 1:30 I guess, and woke me up and we talked for maybe 15 min. and he told me why Dave wanted to kill that girl, it had to do w/his stupid gf Ashley and Stevie was spreading rumors about her and Dave going out, and it was pissing off Ashley and Dave so I don't know if he came down here last night or not. I told David to tell Dave never to call me late at night again and not even think about contacting me tomorrow, on my B-day, b/c if he brings me down then, I will just be even more fucking enraged at him.

Amy's taking me to Newport and feeding me tacos, like I said before, for my B-day next weekend. It should be fun, but I'm going to hate this week, I think. I don't want to do any work right now. He puts me in these weird moods. I feel detached from guys anyway. I kinda want someone there to comfort me, but I definitely don't care for dick right now. It all feels empty to me, anyway. David C. was nice to me, too, last Friday and gave me $20 bucks for a present to me, but I told him I didn't deserve all that money from him, but he won't let me give it back. I'm very glad he gave it to me though, cuz I need money right now. He got himself a gf last week too, but he's a very good friend.