stop liking me, just hate me, and i'll hate u

I told Chris I didn't want to go out w/him yesterday. The day before, I got really irritated w/him over sumthing so stupid and simple, but things like that can turn me off to a person, so I said no when he asked if I wanted to go get a pop in the cafe. w/him and I didn't want to talk to him for the rest of the day b/c I was thinking. I realized we wouldn't work out, and that I had too many other issues in my like (ie.Dave) that have fucked me up, and he's too inexperienced and sensitive. He's also pathetic in the way he feels about things and blah blah. But I just read his fucking entry saying how dare I treat him like shit and a playtoy, when first of all, all I did was not talk to him b/c I didn't have the heart to tell him that I couldn't be w/him and I didn't want to hurt him, so I was trying to avoid his eyes and when he came back in the lunch room and asked me if I wasn't mad at him then why wouldn't I look him in the eyes, I just turned away. I DID NOT treat him like shit though, he's so fucking full of it. I'm going to go off on him. I hate guys and how pathetic some can be. Fuck him! Fuck him, fuck him , fuck him! It's his fucking fault I got in this mess. I just wasn't sure, but I'm a fucking idiot! He should've never liked me and now I WILL make him hate me. Oh and I even asked him if he would mind just being my playtoy and he said he wouldn't, so now he's just contradicting himself, which also pisses me off. I hate guys!!! Why do they like me in the first place! I'm just a piece of shit like everyone else!

So anyway, Dave and I r friends again. He IMed me that last Friday and then I talked to him on Tuesday commending him for kicking Adam out of his group and making every one hate him b/c he's stupid and he thinks he can get away w/talking about everyone behind their back and putting his head up people's asses just so he can feel like he's one of them. Fuck him. But Dave and I r getting along, and we just kept talking after that, and he will prolly break up w/Ashley some time soon, I know it's not working out w/them. I know he's thinking about me all the time and how good I treated him.

Yesterday, I picked up Dave so he could go to the bank and he gave me 6 bucks for it, and we also looked around in the dollar store, halloween store, and make-up store and got a couple things. He's been talking about us in the non-friendship way, in other words, like the relationship way, like he mumbled that he would still do me, and has just been talking too honestly about how he knows what he wants (most likely me, or atleast more attention from his gf since he's only seen her once in the past two weeks and he knows that if he were going out w/me we could hang out every day since I have a car now and shit, plus I used to see him more than that even when I didn't drive). I told him on the way back to his house that he need to stop doing that b/c it will only make me think about those things too and make me depressed, so I said if he wants to just have a friendship he needs to treat me like a friend and nothing more. He said that he'd been thinking the same thing, but the words would just come out of his mouth and he then said that I made him feel stupid, but I was just like "No, ur not stupid, ur just beeing too honest lately." So I dropped him off and that was that, after a hug.

Thursday night I went over and picked up Amy at her work, White Castle's, and we went over to Best Buy to get some cds. She got some rap crap again, and I got NIN "Things Falling Apart", I like it, Trent Reznor's so great. Then we went to the China Buffet and she got some Chinese to go. After that we went back to her house and I hung out w/her for 20 min. of so until I told her I should be going since Dave invited me to go over to his place and hang out w/him and David, so I went. We went out to Garzelli's, a pizza place that tastes just like Pizza Hut to me, my fave pizza. We all just sat around in there and talked and ate. Before we left, Dave wrote all this satanic weird shit on the cardboard pizza thing that the pizza lays on and we put "food for satan" on a napkin that layed on top of one last pizza slice, and then we each donated a piece of our hair to the pile, so I wonder what the people thought of that, ha. After that, we drove to Thriftway then I dropped David off and then Dave off w/a weird goodbye and a hug. Dave and I have been talking on the phone alot too.

Tomorrow, we are all going to the Ren. fair, but not Chris anymore since he can just fuck off if he thinks I'm that fucking mean to him. Nicki and I r driving, and Ruby, Anthony, Summer, and maybe Sophie r going. I might not have to drive though, cuz I think these r the only people going now. But we'll see.