"this is the only time I really feel alive"

Hey, got a lot to update about. Everytime I tried updating before the stupid servers wouldn't work or somebody would call, not letting me finish my update, and I don't like going back to update things later on since I'm usually in a diff. mood.

But anyway, my party was the other day and it was pretty fun. I cashed out at like $400 and I got a laptop from my mom which was a very emotional experience since I knew she couldn't afford it and I know my grandparents had to have helped her pay for it, if they didn't pay for all of it. Nobody even ate any cake b/c of my mom's friend Barb who brought over her delicious dessert. But I had a lot of guests and by the end of the night, all the food was almost all gone.

Everyone left kinda early, like by 7:00 and I said bye to my dad and knew I wouldn't see him again for the rest of his trip out here since he was leaving the next morning, and my grandparents left around like 5:00 or sumthing. Murph came over early and started munching and then I went to go pick up Criss at around 7:00 w/Murph. They got along fine. I ended up inviting Alex Davidson, a guy who graduated a year before me from my school who I knew and always talked to when I saw, but he didn't arrive until later like around 11:00 and only stayed til about 1:00. That's when everyone pretty much left. I ended up inviting the douchebag David C. too b/c he could bring some alcohol and Criss wouldn't stop bugging me about it since he felt guilty. Julie Nguyen even came too. She's very nice, but I didn't think she was a drinker. She only drank half of a strawberry dackerry anyway. Nicki brought Ruby, Adrienne over but none of them really drank much. Anthony got his own ride over, I think from his mom, and he got really drunk w/me, he was about the only one who got as drunk as me. Everyone else stayed pretty sober. Murph was drunk I think and James definitely was since he got into 2 fights: one w/ralph and one w/anthony which both were stupid. James was totally wasted though, like me. Matt came over at 11:00 after work and he didn't get drunk either. I fell on him once and he hit his head, lol. People said Anthony was molesting me, but he was just rubbing my leg and tried to kiss me. My stepdad Ralph and my mom were already wasted when most of my friends came over at 8:00. Anthony gave me some small fireworks for my grad. present and we started shooting off the gun streamers and we all ran outside and Murph was setting off these smoke bombs but me, Ruby, and Adrienne were scared that they might be real fireworks so we kept running away from them, and when Murph set one of them off and someone threw it by my neighbors house, I was running away from it and Criss picked me up and ran me right over to it and dropped me down and I was screaming, so it was pretty fun. I love being me! Atleast when I'm partying cuz everyone loves me! But then after that everyone gets too busy for me and then it sucks. It's the most fun when I'm partying, so I gotta party some more.

After James slapped Anthony, Julie drove Ruby, Anthony, and Criss home and people were getting paranoid that someone called the cops and I was thinking "oh shit" cuz there was no way I could act sober, I was too far gone. I don't even remember the whole night, but it was crazy and fun as hell. I heard I started trying to bite people too, I bit Anthony on the leg and Criss told me I tried to bite him on the neck and when he pushed my face away, I tried to bite his hand, so I thought that was funny. I love biting people. After I had some screwdrivers, I tried to get Criss and others to take shots, so I set an example of how easy it is by chugging the wild turkey that David brought over, and everybody saw and Janetta got a picture of it and Criss and Matt's faces r so priceless, hahaha. Everyone came up to me and was like "Ur going to puke!" And I just shrugged my shoulders and was like "oh well, I don't care, I don't feel it now." But after that I can't really remember exactly what happened. But I'm guessing a half hour later or so I felt sick and I puked on my mat in the bathroom and I laughed and David was behind me trying to hold my hair back and then he guided me to the toilet and I puked some more and I just thought it was funny. I don't remember washing my face or brushing my teeth after that which is funny. Murph and David kept trying to put me to bed and I didn't want to go, so I kept going back downstairs and shit and then that fight happened and everyone left, and then Murph and I did some stuff and then he layed w/me for a while in my bed and I think I went out like a light although I don't remember taking out my contacts, so I might've slept in them.

"bow down before the one u serve, ur going to get what u deserve"-NIN