holiday in Vegas

Right now I'm in Vegas, w/my mom and grandparents. I got almost all of my Xmas shopping done, but I still have to get Jordan one more thing and my dad's REI gift certificate. I think I'll make it for $30 this year.

So I didn't get to go home for Xmas. Oh well, I feel like it wouldn't be worth is anyway to my friends. It costs $300 dollars and of course, I'm the one paying for it, so I said fuck that. I need money to live on and buy Xmas presents. It just kinda pisses me off though, but oh well. I hate the isolated feeling I get from everyone. The distance. That's why I feel it's not worth it. They never care enough to call me, I always try to call them when I have the time, I'm the one trying to visit them, but oh fucking well. That's how it will always be, so I don't give a fuck anymore. At least Criss offered to help pay. I'll visit when I fucking feel like it, and then maybe I'll see them while I'm there, but OH really isn't worth visiting anyway. CA is much better. I'm missing Jeff for trying to visit them too. Plus I don't want to risk seeing Dave, that would suck. I don't even want to talk to him anymore. He can't get over me, it's pathetic. I understand, but I can't be there for him anymore. I never wanted it to be like how it was, I never wanted to go back out w/him. I don't like him that much, especially now. I still have to call my cuz and tell her I'm not coming.

At least I get to spend 2 weeks w/my dad, Kellie, and Jordan though. I haven't been to their new place yet. I get to finally ski again. Hopefully we'll get to do the 4-day pack and we can ski at Copper Mountain and I think stay there too, so as soon as we get up we can go skiing. Then we can have all the hot cocoa we want.

I almost cried when I had to say goodbye to Jeff since he left Friday evening. He loves me so much. I love him too, I hope he really does miss me when we're apart b/c we were spending everyday together and he was sleeping in my bed w/me too. We had some really great sex before I left though, and I managed to give him oral and swallow. I know that's making him miss me even more, ha. He knows I want to take care of him and now I know he'll take care of me. He tried to pay for my groceries when we had to get a few things on Friday too, but I gave him a $20 when we got home. Oo he's so cute. I have some pics of him when we were all partying, but I still don't have my scanner hooked up and my roommate has that block on the comp. now so I'm going to have to ask her what's up w/that. She should let me use it still, I know she just didn't want us signing on to her name, but I guess she didn't trust us. I have my own name to sign on to now, so I don't even need it, but oh well.

Well dinner's ready. We're having hotdogs tonight. Last night was my mom's enchiladas and the night before Pizza Hut.

Oh yeah, I started a new Utopia account now, ha. I hope I do better this age.

Oh and another thing, Sheri and I are going to try bungee-jumping on Friday after her and Rich get here for Xmas. It should be cool. We're going to videotape it too. I feel bad that Jeff can't do it to, b/c he wants to, so I don't know if we'll end up doing it.