in between life

Been a long while, but I never have time to write. I'm starting to wish I did. I'm actually thinking of trying to write some songsd and then do all my own music in an audio program I just learned in at school this last quarter.

I'm on my 3 week long needed vacation, and next quarter will hopefully not be as hard on me, but we'll see. I got thru effective speaking with an a, and my hard to understand teacher for hard surface and organic modeling actually gave me an A- even though my work was very simple, but what do u expect when I've never touched Maya before? So I finally got the book and will try to do some tutorials in it over the break, but I'm so worn out from school work that I kinda wanna blow it off. I know I should be learning this stuff more, but I don't like it too much and the programs r too complicated. I just should've gotten the book right away and then read it thruout, that always helps me, but I like to be cheap since I don't make much money. From now on though I'm buying lots of books b/c I need plenty of reference. From here on out, I have to basically self teach myself these things b/c the teachers only go halfway, and it sucks for someone like me who's not all high tech and already has 2 yrs. experience in the programs w/better comps. at home to do the hw in like all these other students. Sometimes I get so sick of these richie kids. It's not fair that school is harder on poorer people, and meanwhile my mom's working her ass off to get me thru that and pay for the whole $3,000 50th anniversary for my grandparents b/c all their other children r too self centered to help out even though they'll be there participating in the luxuries (one crack head uncle and his wife get to ride in the limo w/them on the way there).

Recently my mother has been telling me she will probably divorce Ralph but now I'm not so sure again. She has no one to support her out here and she basically told me a week or so ago that she wouldn't move out on her own unless I came up here to live w/her, but I keep telling her I just don't want to do it and I don't feel I belong in Vegas. I rather be by the cool beaches in CA even though its way more expensive. I just can't leave Jeff still either, even though I still know he's not cutting it for me.

But love's too hard, it makes u hold on when u shouldn't, but I've already given him another try. He's very good to me, but yet again we still argue over stupid crap and I hate it when he yells at me about my driving when I've never wrecked. Even if we come close, I get us out of it and that's the bottomline. I'm never wreckless, I always watch where I'm going and am curtious to other drivers, but it's not enough. We'll see when he gets his liscense. He admitted to me last week that he actually did hit someone once when he drove the car alone, but there was no scratch so he drove off (he would've anyway, haha). But yeah I know, very bad. I don't let him drive unless its late and I'm in the car w/him, or on rare occasions when he does his stupid shit and has to take a friend home.

I have been meeting a few more girl friends lately though. His lesbian friend from work comes over a lot and she's cool, yet she doesn't really have too much to say. She's pretty poor too which sucks and has to live w/her dad who's like a preacher or something, ha, and she's not into that at all. She reads though and she's read some of the Vamp. chronicles, which I got to talk to her about a lil. She brought another friend of hers over who is quarter black, quarter white, and half lebonese which was cool. She's pretty cool, and both of them remind me of some parts of myself which I've never found in other people I don't think. It's nice.

Also a month or so ago me and Jeff went to visit Jen and Lance in there newer aprt. out in Corona and we partied w/two of their friends, a guy named ...oo crap I forget right now, but it will come to me later, and a girl named Erin. Both r way cool. Erin does yoga and can juggle, and she gave me a back massage, hehe. So it's nice to finally meet people to actually be friends w/out here.

I'm in vegas until tomorrow though. Then I'll be in denver for a week and then I'll fly back here, spend another 4 days, then go home for the duration of my trip.

Guess that's all I'll say for now. There's much more, but I rather not try to type too much here. This comp. still sucks. My mom wants to buy me a whole new one for my bday since my labtop doesn't do shit for any of my animation programs. I might as well get rid of it. Right now I'm going to play diablo on it though, ha. I rented Champions of Norrath and Balder's Gate Dark Alliance this week too and played it w/Lorin, my friend out here who've I've prolly never mentioned before on here, but he's cool, just not too talkative. I know he likes me though, I just don't know what to do about it all. I don't cheat though. I can't be too sure he doesn't like other girls either anyway, but this is my 2nd time visiting w/him while out here. He's very gentlelmanly for the most part, very tall and skinny, half phillopino/half white, but cute. He calls me boogerface and things like that, ha. Well I'm still rambling. I may ramble some more later.

My kitties r still doing fine out here: Eakster, old boy Rascal, and the little Gabriel who will never grow up all the way.

Wednesday, Apr. 20, 2005 - 2:56 p.m.