"myself keeps slipping away"

My mind is so jumbled right now, I don't know what to do. I did something that I knew was wrong, but I did it for the moment. I did it b/c I cared, but of course, even though I was the nieve girl again, nothing changed. I just wish I was easier, I wish I wasn't so complicated and deep. How can anyone be attracted to me? All they see is the facade, too, I'm sure. Sometimes I can put up a good one, but not for long. The real me has to know things, or else I go crazy. I have weird ways of showing I care, but it doens't seem to matter. B/c no one will ever care like I care, no one is demented like me, ha. I fucking hate life for all its annoying let downs, constantly happening. I guess I am just a person who chooses not to ever be happy, but I have defined what will make me happy, but it just never happens. I constantly am trying to figure out whether it's all me or other people. Why am I trapped inside of my own brain but others can get out? I wish everyone was trapped like me, b/c then everyone wouldn't be so stupid. They would think about their actions more.