broken hearts keep getting broken

Well I finally broke up w/Jeff. Still dealing w/the after math. One minute I'm happy and ok, and the next I feel despair. It really sucks. I hate it when a guy takes everything out of u, doesn't care, and then even when u try to drop him, it's too late. The damage has been done-once again. Even though I know he's bad for me and he's screwed up in the head, I miss the good things that we had. I miss at least having him there as a friend, but I guess he wasn't that good of one since he never really listened to me or cared about what I was feeling. He only cared about himself, just like every other guys I've been with. I'm tired of the cycle so the next guy I go out w/, which prolly won't be for another year which will be after i graduate, I will make sure he is sensitive enough to understand what I go thru and he needs to have more of the same views that I had. Jeff was stupid and u couldj tell how ignorant he was/is, and he was even low enough to log into my utopia account and trash it. He stole my birth control pills b/c he thought that would stop me from having sex w/other guys yet left condoms and if he knew me at all, it would've been smarter to take the condoms. But if he really knew me he would know I'm not trying to have sex w/anyone and never had had sex w/anyone during our whole relationship. I just need to shrug it all off, but it's hard when every time I make my life all about whatever the guy wants and it's no wonder I get guys who use me until I feel so drained that there's nothing left. God I hate him. He's so dumb, and I never even wanted to be w/him in the first place, yet I let myself get into that mistake when I should've known better. I should've ended it the first week when he started acting weird, b/c ever since then it just went down hill. I need friends to reach out to, but since I've never had many, I've always had to learn to deal w/life alone, and it's no wonder I feel that everyone is truly alone and will die alone, and that there's no real hope to this world. We will have a WW3 pretty soon b/c of all the idiots running this country now and I can't live w/it. I don't know what I'm going to do b/c I can't just stand around and let our freedom be taken from us as the government takes more and more from everyone else in the world, thinking they're the shit when really anyone could bring them down. Why do people fear? Fuck fear! I really need to get over all of mine, and then I might step up to do what is right, the best way to solve this world problems, but I don't know how I'm going to go about it yet.